Im new to this so apologies if I ramble.
I am here today for some advice. I have been given advice by those close to me but have such a mixed response I thought I would seek some advice from complete outsiders.
I was in a relationship with a guy for four years. Back in September we broke up as I didn't feel we were going anywhere. Don't get me wrong I loved this guy more than anything but we seemed to have different ideas. I wanted to save money and think about the future where as he wanted to spend money on games or other things. Also there was an issue with cleaning and tidying. Nothing major but at the time it seemed like a big deal.
I realised that I had made a mistake and that the time away from this guy had made me realise just how much I loved him and that the things that bugged me didn't really matter at all. I asked him to come back (as he had moved back home, 2 hours away) but he told me he couldn't, which was fine but we both still really wanted each other more than anything.
I received a phone call from him, a few weeks after moving back home, (we spoke every day anyway) asking me for advice on some girls he had met 'through a friend'. I loved this guy but I had made the choice to end things and no matter what I wanted him in my life, so I sat and listened to him talk about these girls. He told me about how pretty they were and how much he had in common with them but how neither of them compared to me but that 'we were bound to have other relationships'. I sat listening with tears rolling down my cheek, listening to the man I loved more than anything in the world who I had built a home with talk about other girls. I realised then exactly what I had done and what a massive mistake I had made, but it was done and I had to let him move on if that was what he wanted.
Unfortunately, a month or so after he had moved back home I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant. I informed my ex (who I had been in contact with anyway, almost everyday) but he called me a liar and told me that I was making it up to get him to move back to me. At this point I didn't know what to do, I had sat crying over this guy every day because of the mistake I had made and even though we had shared a life together for four years and still spoke to each other every day, he didn't believe me about something so serious. I felt sick, hurt, alone and many other feelings that I have never felt before. I told him I didn't want anything to do with him anymore and that I would deal with it. He then contacted me to apologise and told me that it was just a shock. He asked me what I was going to do and I told him I had already booked an appointment with my doctor to discuss an abortion. The days leading up to the abortion we spoke and he was a completely different person, telling me that if I kept the baby I would be ruining his life and that he didnt want to received a letter requesting money for the child in 9 months time. This hurt, I thought he knew me. I thought he knew that I wouldn't do that to him and that I wouldn't lie to him or keep a baby and not tell him!
The abortion day came and I went alone (I haven't told my family). I'd sat waiting all day for a phonecall or a message from him wishing me good luck or just to say he was thinking of me but I didn't get a thing. I knew he hadnt forgotten because Id spoken to him the day before, plus how could he forget something like that! At the clinic all I could think was how wrong everything was and how I wished he could be there holding my hand. After the abortion I went home and called him straight away, I got voicemail. I tried his home phone but he wasn't there. I kept calling his mobile but got no answer, I started to worry that something had happened, especially as I hadn't received anything from him about the appointment. I phoned his mum, she hadnt heard from him either. I was really worried! I called his mobile again, no answer, then I got a text - 'Cant answer in the cinema'. I couldn't believe it! Today of all days! I text back asking him if he could go outside and talk to me just for 5 mins - he refused. I then had a text from him, 'is it done', meaning had I had the abortion. At this point I wanted to kill him! I couldnt believe it!
Finally he called me, told me he'd met some old friends and they wanted to go to the cinema, I forgave him and we went back to talking everyday. He was still meeting up with these two girls and would tell me all about them.... killing me inside.
We both still loved each other, we knew that. He wanted to meet up but with everything that had happened with the abortion and the hurt I felt after it all I just couldnt at that moment. A few weeks later we were talking and he asked again if he could see me, I agreed that once we had been paid we would meet up. A couple of days later, one of these I found out that the day I was aborting 'our' baby he was at the cinema with one of these girls he had been talking to me about, not old friends. I was angry that on that day of all days he did that. I told him I didnt want to see him or speak to him again and that he couldn't love me if all he was doing was hurting me.... I changed my number, blocked him emails and tried to forget about him - I cried myself to sleep every night because no matter what had happened, I loved this guy more than anything in the world!
Christmas came and all I wanted was to wish him Merry Christmas and tell him I loved him. I called him, we spoke for a long time and he came to see me. The moment I saw him I remembered how much I loved him and how all I wanted was him. We agreed to give things another shot. We have sat down several time and discussed the things that need to change and discussed what happened over the period we were broken up and have both agreed to move on with our lived together.
Since getting back together I have been trying to make up for all the mistakes I made (breaking up with him was my mistake).
Am I wrong to expect him to do the same? Other than breaking up with him, did I do anything else wrong? Especially compared to what he did.... or am I out of order being mad at him for not being there for me when I was having the abortion - a phone call was all I wanted...
I just feel like he doesnt think he needs to make anything up to me and that I should make up to him that I sent him home and broke up with him....
I dont really know what I am asking I just want an outsiders opinion on the situation really....